FACEBOOK, yet AGAIN

Lately, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to maintain normal relationships with people my age. (I happen to be in my early 30s.) Perhaps it’s due to the technological era we live in and the fact that cyberspace is causing modern-day adults to become infantilized. I have no interest in networking on MySpace or “writing on peoples walls” on Facebook. My friends are pressuring me to join but I honestly don’t feel like reverting back to high school and reconnecting with people I lost touch with ages ago. Is there something wrong with me?

—Poke Me

The Gay Perspective: No. There is nothing wrong with you in this regard.

The Straight Perspective: Face it, Facebook is a fad. Did you ever hula-hoop in the 1970s to fit in with your playground friends? Did you ever make mixed tapes in the 1980s to pass around in high school? Did you ever chug a beer in college because your friends pressured you to? Did you ever buy an over-priced Juicy track suit to fit in, or a Forenza sweater and wear it backwards?

Some fads are fun, silly, and short-lived. Some fads are dangerous and compromise your morals. Some fads stick around, and some fads fade away. Difference now is, in your 30s, do you care if you fit in? Try Facebook, you might like it, and if you don’t like it, just click “deactivate” and you’ll be gone…poof.

Reference Material

I just got a call at work from someone asking for a reference for a person—let’s call her Sam—who used to work in my office. The person asking for the recommendation wanted to speak to her supervisor, but when I told him that Sam’s supervisor has since moved on, he asked if there was anyone else who could provide a reference, someone who had worked with her.

I worked with her, and she was a disaster: didn’t do her job, lied about it, kept bad hours. Pleasant enough person, but really a bad worker. I don’t feel like it’s my place to evaluate a co-worker who worked alongside me, not beneath me. But am I obligated to share an opinion with this guy? Ethically, I mean.

Dr. Sigmund Fraud says: Why is it that employers rely on references from total strangers anyway? Think about it. They’re sitting there, looking at somebody’s resume. They’ve probably interviewed the person. Probably more than once. But that’s not enough. No, now they’re going to call people whom they’ve never met and listen to their testimony. Why? Do they imagine the applicant is going to offer up the names and phone numbers of jilted ex-lovers as references? Or ask the prospective employer to call an old boss who fired the job-seeker for utter incompetence?

Why not turn the tables? Ask what job “Sam” is seeking. For all you know, she could be applying for a governmental job where it won’t matter if she’s a disaster. Lousy work ethic, chronic lying…these are not red flags in the public sector. In fact, she may fit right in. Even though you personally don’t want to work with her again, you don’t want her to starve to death, do you?

No offense, but doesn’t it seems odd that this person is willing to take the word of whoever picked up the phone, in this case you? What kind of vetting process is that? Is it responsible to consider hearsay and rumor from someone who claims to have been a coworker at some point in the past? I don’t think so. In order to serve them right for being such pesky tightasses, I’m thinking you should give “Sam” a glowing review. Say she was always the first one there with bagels and coffee for everybody. She always covered for everybody, and frankly the place has been struggling ever since she left.

Let them hire her. That’ll teach them. I mean, doesn’t it bother you that this intrusive phone call has been enough of a distraction to make you dash off this letter appealing for advice? You don’t owe “Sam” or this employer anything, so have a little fun.

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