Resolution: Not to make comments that could be considered anti-Semitic.

Reason: Criticized heavily for referring to State Assemblyman Sheldon Silver, a Jew, as “the anti-Christ” at a Republican fundraiser in October.

How he can pull it off: Focus on making off-color remarks that offend more politically safe targets for Republicans—like gays, Mexicans, poor people.

Degree of difficulty: 7

Endurance: June 6

Resolution: To carry exact change.

Reason: Arrested and pled guilty to disorderly conduct in August for an assault against a Buffalo cab driver who was short 20 cents in change on a $13.80 fare.

How he can pull it off: Hire a personal driver with the five-year, $31.5 million contract extension he signed in December, so he’ll no longer have to trifle with cabs.

Degree of difficulty: 4

Endurance: Dec 31

Resolution: To get the hell out of Buffalo as soon as is humanly possible.

Reason: Owens is on pace for his worst season since 1999 and even though he still has two games remaining, he tweeted on Sunday that he was already “looking 4wd to 2010.”

How he can pull it off: Good thing Owens opted to rent during his high-profile reality TV search for housing in Orchard Park. His ticket to South Beach was booked weeks ago.

Degree of difficulty: 0

Endurance: Dec 31

Resolution: To win an election in 2010.

Reason: Apart from this year’s mayor’s race, WNY’s most wired political operative hasn’t won many in regulation. His success has been in fundraising and dealmaking—witness Golisano and the State Senate coup.

How he can pull it off: With about $5 million more of Tom Golisano’s money.

Degree of difficulty: 9

Endurance: Nov. 2

$8 Hamster Toys

Target officials on Dec. 20 backed down and reversed a controversial decision to fire seven Lancaster workers who bought Zhu Zhu Pets (this year’s asinine holiday fad) during off hours, a violation of policy limiting employee purchase of in-demand items.

Interwebs Usage

Ralph Hernandez, Buffalo School Board president, is in hot water over a state audit that found porn and visits to gambling sites on his district-issued laptop. Hernandez denied he had visited the sites himself but admitted being subject to the audit.

Gift Horses

Speaking of smut, Rick Snowden, owner of the Cheektowaga exotic club Rick’s Tally-Ho, was rebuffed on Dec. 19 in his effort to donate the $20,000 needed for the fiscally challenged downtown New Year’s Eve ball drop to proceed.

Buffawood

Shooting for Henry’s Crime, the Keanu Reeves rom-com filming in town, wrapped up on Dec. 19 with several scenes shot at a Jin Lan restaurant in Kenmore. Will this spur more Hollywood directors to film in Western New York? No, it won’t.

Economic Advice

Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown sent a letter to President Barack Obama on Dec. 19 outlining ideas from the recent job forum hosted by the city. Hard to believe, but with unemployment at 10% nationwide and the city sitting pretty at 8.6%, we look positively boomish.

Total value of health insurance premiums paid by the Buffalo Public Schools Board to six retired employees who are dead, according to a state audit released on Dec. 22. The district asserted that this represented a very small failure rate since auditors checked a total of 5,269 records. The total was a far cry from a 2007 audit, which revealed $544,000 in benefits to dead retirees and their spouses.