Spousal Abuse

Prosecutors suffered a setback on Sept. 3 when an Erie County judge ruled Muzzammil Hassan—the Orchard Park man who allegedly beheaded his wife—can introduce a “battered spouse” defense. So let me get this straight, the spouse with a head is the battered partner?

The Liberal Media

Calling Carl Paladino’s potential governorship a “national embarassment” to the GOP, the New York Times endorsed primary opponent Rick Lazio on Sept. 4 instead. Typical. Damned liberal media would think racism and bestiality are unfitting of an elected official. Elitists.

"Weasling Out

One day after receiving notice she would [finally] be fired, Buffalo HR head Karla Thomas delivered a letter to the Common Council on Sept. 4 which attempted to deflect blame for her embrassing [and incompetent] payment of health insurance premiums to 170 dead employees.

Faith in Humanity

Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas set a new world record on Sept. 5, eating 181 chicken wings at the National Buffalo Wing Festival. Not trying to be a pompous douche here, but worldwide a child starves roughly once every five seconds. So fuck everything about that.

Merchandise Sales

You can kiss the banana slug goodbye. Online photos leaked on Sept. 8 purportedly reveal the Buffalo Sabres new retro blue/gold jerseys and throwback 40th anny dubs. Thankfully we can affirm that they look pretty solid. Way to milk the jersey sales, Tommy G.

Percent decrease in Buffalo Bills season ticket sales from 2009-2010 according to figures released by the team on Sept. 5. The Bills sold 43,925 season tickets this season, down from last year’s 55,308 and 56,011 in 2008. Season ticket prices raised by $7.95 per game from last years average of $51.24 despite the team’s NFL-longest 10 consecutive seasons missing the playoffs.