Cats AND DOGS

This Christmas I have a new boyfriend. He is the man of my dreams except in one respect. He has told me he hates cats, and insists that I will have to get rid of Mr. Muggles if we are to have a life together. But I love Mr. Muggles, and don’t want to give him up.

Two days ago, I was at his apartment and I went on his computer to check my email. The screen was open to a website listing all sorts of common household items that can be hazardous to dogs and cats. I didn’t think anything of it until two days later, when I received a poinsettia plant from him, for Christmas. I told my girlfriend about it and she turned white. She says that poinsettias are poisonous to cats.

Is the man of my dreams trying to kill my cat?

—Apocalypse Meow!

Dining Out says: Its always nice to be in a cozy relationship during the holidays and chilly winter months, but do you really want to date “The Iceman?”

Not only did your unromantic boyfriend gift you a generic plant for Christmas, he chose flora that’s hazardous to your beloved pet’s health. Perhaps its time to pick a cat fight (no pun intended) with this so-called significant other. And may I suggest you do it in public as you may be dating a sociopath.

Dr. Sigmund Fraud says: I once had a girlfriend who couldn’t stand the pet whippet dog that I allowed to sleep in our bed. As soon as I dozed off, she claimed the dog would start to growl at her, showing his teeth in the darkened room. Every morning, I would wake to him licking my face and I would find her curled up on the couch under an Afghan. He was a great little dog I inherited from a friend who used to win Frisbee competitions all over the west coast with this little guy. One day, we went on a picnic at a remote wilderness area, and I pulled out a Frisbee to toss around, thinking this might make for a bonding experience between the dog and my girlfriend. I will never forget the impossibly long throw she executed, and the sight of the little dog vanishing over the edge of the ravine. It was a long ride home. I could never come out and accuse her of intentionally killing my dog, but still, the relationship was doomed from that point on.

The good news is that your girlfriend is wrong. It’s a myth that poinsettias are poisonous to pets. A wealth of research confirms this, and the American Veterinary Medicine Association of America does not include the poinsettias on its list of plants that are harmful to pets. They may get sick if they eat the whole thing, but it’s still nothing to worry about.

If you wind up dumping this guy, I’d be happy to explode all sorts of myths with you over a few drinks this holiday season.

The Practical Cogitator says: Why do you assume he was looking for ways to kill the cat? Maybe he was looking for ways to cat-proof the house. Alternately, maybe he was looking for ways to kill you. (By the way, he’s not allergic, is he? Because if he is, maybe he thinks you’re trying to kill him.) In any case, poinsettias don’t kill cats. At worst, they cause the cat (or the person) who eats the leaves some irritation. The pesticides with which they are treated are more dangerous than the plant itself.

In any case, it sounds to me like he’s forthright about his dislike of your cat. If he were weirdly passive-aggressive about it, I’d tell you to dump him. As it is, the cat is not merely a cat: Mr. Muggles (if that is his real name) is a symbol indicating the willingness of both parties to sacrifice for the sake of this relationship. Either he (and you) are in or you’re out. It’s not about the cat. It’s about compromise.

Sophomoric says: First of al,l if this guy is asking you to get rid of your cat, an important part of your life to which you are presumably very attached, he might be a bit of a control freak. The way you frame the situation it seems as though you are both looking for a long-term relationship. Instead of asking you to get rid of your current cat a better comprise might be to promise to not get another cat after Mr. Muggles is gone. Secondly, this guy is trying to kill your cat. The evidence is right there in front of you. First you find a website about materials that are hazardous to animals (does he have an animal?). Then he gives you something that is poisonous to cats. Get rid of this sociopath before you come home to Mr. Muggles’s lifeless body and a half eaten poinsettia. Who knows, if he gets sick of you he might start going on websites that list materials that are hazardous to people.

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