The third baseman’s wife is 6’8”. When she goes to potlucks with the players’ wives she is nearly a foot taller than anyone there. The tallest player on the team is only 6’6”. The third baseman is 6’4” and Alana from Croatia, who received a scholarship to play basketball in the United States, is just his cup of tea. Often in the minor leagues, scratching his ass between pitches at the hot corner, he would fantasize about dating an extremely tall woman. They met at a benefit for children with Muscular Dystrophy in Washington D.C. and began to see each other. Eight months later they were married.

In the batting cage one day the third baseman appraises the right fielder about the quality of his sex life with Alana, wondrous legs so long and smooth, anytime he is away from her he shudders in anticipation. The right fielder, not known for his power at the plate, begins to attempt to hit home runs off the sixty-year-old coach throwing batting practice. The right fielder wants to make an impression. The right fielder wants Alana.

Just before game time the right fielder asks the third baseman where in the stands his wife sits. “I don’t think you’ll miss her, right behind the dugout.” The right fielder makes eye contact with Alana and is twice smitten. Leading off the second inning, the third baseman doubles and stands on second. When the right fielder is on deck he wipes his bat with pine tar and peers over to the amazing European beauty just a few feet away. The right fielder begins to make conversation with Alana, asking if she ever made it with someone who won the Gold Glove. She shakes her long finger at him, telling him he should concentrate on the game. When it is his turn to bat (with the third baseman still on second and two out) the right fielder hits a home run off the left field foul pole. He greets the third baseman at home with a high five. As they trot to the dugout, the right fielder wrestles his bat away from the bat boy, clubs the third baseman on the head, jumps into the stands and in a fury takes off his and Alana’s clothes.

The Commissioner suspends the right fielder for the rest of the season and then offers to reduce it to one month if he shares with him how it was to make it with such a tall woman on top of the dugout.

—greg gerke