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Scorecard: The Weeks Winners & Losers
by Zachary Burns
The Matrix: Universal Translator
Public figures are different from you and me. Most of them have more money and better insurance plans. They also speak a language that is alternately so dull and so confoundingly full of nonsense as to deny comprehension.
This week, the R&D team at Week in Review allowed us to field test a new widget that we plug into our cellphones and point at politicians as they speak: a univeral translator. Here are the results of our first go-round with the thing:
The Week's Winners & Losers
 Radicalism Lawyers for Muzzammil Hassan, the Orchard Park man facing charges of beheading his wife, argued on Mar. 5 that his children should be returned from Pakistan for fear that they may be radicalized. Right-wing bloggers snicker with glee. |
 Spin A federal judge ruled on Mar. 6 that Erie County must allow the Justice Deptartment to investigate the alarming suicide rate and civil rights violations at County Holding Center. Chris Collins, who earlier barred the feds, claimed to welcome the decision. |
 Conspiracy TheoriesCongressman Eric Massa of NY resigned on Mar. 8 and accused Democratic leaders of a “setup” against him in order to pass health reform. Massa, a “salty” ex-sailor, denied pending ethics probes of allegations he groped male staffers influenced the decision. |
 Lower EducationNY education officials on Mar. 8 discussed plansto save $13.7 million by eliminating 13 of 17 of the more stringent Regents level exams. Count Buffalo schools superintendent James A. Williams (and his 57% grad rate) among those who favor the move. |
 Crosby CrimeCheektowaga police are seeking a man wearing a Sidney Crosby jersey for the Mar. 9 robbery of an Auntie Anne’s Pretzel Shop in the Walden Galleria Mall. We’re pretty sure nobody wearing a Ryan Miller jersey would ever defile such an honorable name. |
By the numbers...
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54
Percentage of New Yorkers who are “embarrassed” to be from the state as a result of the dysfunction and scandals in Albany, according to a poll released Mar. 8 by Siena College. Upstaters, at 61%, were more likely to feel shamed. |
-129
Difference in dollars between the Buffalo Fire Union’s reimbursement check and the City’s contractual obligation. The union announced on Mar. 5 that they returned a $24,870.95 check to the city for failing to provide the full amount due ($25,000) for the funerals of two firefighters last August. The union also accused the city of reneging on a agreement not to disclose whether funds went to alcohol expenses. The city had previously balked at the union’s request of $9,630 for booze. |
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6
Billions of dollars New York State will have to borrow over the next three years in order to stabilize its budget according to a plan proposed on Mar. 10 by Lieutenant Governor Richard Ravitch. The plan, in concert with budget cuts, would hope to help close New York’s $9.1 billion budget shortfall this year. |
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